— Niya Tanielle
I will never forget this particular Dr. Phil episode. There was a woman who couldn’t let go of her high school bully and tortured high school experience. She was in her thirties, married, and with children, but every relationship since high school was been a disaster. Just observing how she was sitting was a sign she was still playing a victim in her own mind.
She was hunched over, closed off, crying excessively, and speaking at a very low register as she explained certain situations. Dr. Phil brought her high school tormenter out and it looked like an episode of Saved By The Bell. The “bully” was the head cheerleader, blond, and gorgeous versus the bullied girl who was scrawny, shy, and pale brunette. The more I watched it, the madder I got. This is how the conversation went:
Victim: You ruined my life! You stuffed me in a locker.
Bully: All I can say is I’m sorry for that, but I don’t remember. High school was twenty years ago!
Victim: You ruined my life! You had the entire cafeteria teasing me and calling me names!
Bully: All I can say is I’m sorry for that, but I don’t remember. High school was twenty years ago!
Victim: It’s your fault I can’t develop good relationships!
Bully: All I can say is I’m sorry for that, but I don’t remember.
High school was twenty years ago! And it went on and on…. This woman had no idea what she was talking about. She didn’t remember any traumatic event that happened to her. Every answer was “I don’t remember that.” Both women are married with children, the cheerleader has gone on with her life and didn’t even remember who she was, until she got the call from the show.
I said to myself, “Wow!” This woman let the high school cheerleader ruin her life for twenty years and she had no idea who she was. It became clearer to me that the people who you’re so mad at, aren’t even thinking about you!! TD Jakes is promoting his new book, “Let It Go: Forgive So You May Be Forgiven”, to help people get over past hurts and move on.
Some of the chapters are titled, Write It Off, Silence Doesn’t Mean Consent, and Trust Doesn’t Come Easy. My pastor explained unforgiveness as you drinking poison and hoping someone else will die. Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you! While it’s not an easy resolution for some, it is definitely a Christian requirement.
So, if you are struggling in that area remember that we expect God’s forgiveness for our problems and issues, so we must do it for others. Commit everyday to confessing forgiveness even if you don’t feel it. It’s a process! Don’t let your tormentors steal another day God has given you!
